


A Darker Side of Death

by alittlepieceofgundamwing_archivist



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Heavy Angst, Lemon, M/M, Odd, Supernatural Elements, Violence, Yaoi, by Aya
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2019-03-14 18:59:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13596336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alittlepieceofgundamwing_archivist/pseuds/alittlepieceofgundamwing_archivist
Summary: by Aya





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Dacia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [A Little Piece of Gundam Wing](https://fanlore.org/wiki/A_Little_Piece_Of_Gundam_Wing), which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after July 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [a little piece of gundam wing collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/alittlepieceofgundamwing/profile).

  _Soldiers scattered over the compound as alarms blared loudly and warning lights flashed in the corridors of the large Oz base. We ran fast, hard, my lungs feeling like they were going to collapse any moment. "Fuck!" I swore loudly and forced myself to run faster to catch up to Heero's sprint. The place was going to blow up in two minutes and we weren't even at the hangar yet._  
  
Duo groaned in his sleep, a sheen of perspiration was clearly visible on his ivory skin. Thinly arched brows were drawn together in obvious frustration as the boy panted as if he couldn't get enough air in his lungs.   
  
_"We don't have time for this!" Heero shouted over the shots that were being fired in our direction. I didn't bother responding as I dove to the floor to avoid a hail of bullets, rolling up in a crouch as I returned the fire. I felt Heero's presence behind me and realized that we were back to back. Shit. We must be surrounded. I felt more than heard Heero's rapidly drawn breaths and I quickly reloaded my magnums. This was going to get messy. We both moved at the same time, raining a storm of ammunition down on the soldiers that had us trapped._  
  
"..no time.. fuck.." Duo muttered, twisting and turning until the sheets were wrapped around his slim body.  
  
_"We don't have time for this shit!" Heero shouted again as he neatly kicked one of the soldiers in the throat; crushing the man's windpipe._

_"No fucking kidding!" I snarled, irritated at his knack for stating the obvious at the worst possible times._

_The corridor was now painted with bright red blood. The carnage was enough to make a normal person sick to their stomach but I was used to seeing death. Used to seeing carnage. I was on an adrenaline rush and I was furious. We had been set up. Fed false information by someone on the inside and now we were probably going to die. I wasn't bothered that I was going to die.. Heh I've been ready for death since I was eight years old... The anger is from the thought of my friends dying. . . of Heero dying._

"Heero..." Duo whispered hoarsely. "No..!"   
  
Heero stared silently at his partner's sleeping form, wondering what he could possibly be dreaming of.  
  
_We finally made it to the hangar and I slashed my way towards Deathscythe. I had both my guns blazing as I ran towards the hulking mobile suit. I delayed jumping in the cockpit until I was sure that Heero was safe.Just as I was about to shimmy up, a soldier in full flight gear jumped in my way. A feral growl escaped my throat as I shoved the pilot out of my way impatiently. He fell backwards but managed to grab my leg, preventing me from moving forward. "Get the fuck off!" I snarled and kicked savagely, aiming my gun at the person's head just as their helmet bounced off._

_What I saw.. shocked me.._

Duo made a low choking sound. "Sister.. Helen..?"  
  
_The pilot was a female, but that wasn't what was shocking about her. She was the spitting image of Sister Helen. Blonde hair, gray eyes.I stared in shock, my eyes wide and my gun trembling in my hand. I was getting deju vu. Suddenly it wasn't a pesky Ozzie in my way, it was Sister Helen bleeding on the ground at the Maxwell Church. I did the worst possible thing a soldier could do in a battle.._

_I froze.There was no remorse in the young girl's eyes as she took advantage of my paralysis and ran me through with a hunting knife. I stared at her wide eyed and in shock as I slowly sank to my knees in front of her. "..Helen.." It was the last thing out of my mouth before my vision started to dim and the base began exploding. Heero sat up quickly, his eyes narrowing on Duo as the boy began to shake uncontrollably._

_The world was black. There was no sky. No ground. Just darkness._

_"Am I in hell?" My voice echoed around me._

_"Since when do you believe in hell?" A female voice whispered in my ear._

_"Who are you?" I demanded, spinning around only to see that no one was behind me. "I'm dead aren't I? That girl.. she.. "_

_"You killed yourself." The soft voice hissed at me, seeming to come from all sides. "You need to be retrained Shinigami-_ Chan _."_

_"Who the fuck are you?" I demanded again, temper flaring."You were taken down by a little girl. Shinigami-Chan was spooked by what he thought was a ghost!" The voice taunted mercilessly._

_I didn't bother to yell out this time but inside I seethed. Seethed because I knew it was the truth. A cold hand grabbed me and spun me around and I found myself face to face with a woman. A woman with crimson eyes. "You need to be_ taught _" She snarled and before I could react I was assaulted with a barrage of images. Images that flashed inside my head like a movie._

+  
  
_Heero slamming his fist into the wall with a scream of anguish._  
  
+  
  
_A mobile suit battle in space and a small ship in the midst of it all. Sandrock and two Taurus suits were fighting a large batch of Mobile Dolls. "What? A Gundam? So The White Fang now has itself a Gundam.." A man's voice said. "Everyone spread out! Spread out and surround them at once!"A large explosion.. Sandrock was hurtled through space towards one of the Taurus'. "No! Quatre!" Noin's voice shouted. The Taurus made a last ditch effort to fight, flinging its buster rifles at the mobile suits that were surrounding it. Trowa's face flashed before my mind, it was him inside the Taurus. His eyes were closed.. accepting his fate. "Trowa! Look out!" Quatre screamed and hurled Sandrock into the mobile doll that was about to blast Trowa's suit. The Gundam moved jerkily, not responding fast enough to fight off the suits that surrounded them. The battle went on for a while longer before the two Taurus' were cut down.. and Sandrock self detonated._  
  
+  
  
_Relena, dressed in a long white gown. There was a tiara propped on her head and she was standing before a large audience. Her voice carried over the auditorium as she gave a speech. Heero, standing on one of the balconies aiming a gun at Relena. His eyes were flat and dead. Cold and unforgiving. He pulled the trigger._   
  
+  
  
_Several tan colored mobile dolls accompanied by one red and one blue suit were surrounding two Gundams that strongly resembled Wing and Shenlong. The dolls began dragging the two badly damaged Gundams towards a large ship._  
  
+  
  
_Zechs Marquise, standing inside a cell clad in a long tan trench coat. He was smirking at Wufei and Heero who lay unconscious on the cold floor at his feet. They were badly beaten almost to the point where I could barely recognize them. Maggots and other insects were feeding on their festering wounds.Soldiers filled the cell and began dragging their lifeless bodies down a corridor. They were then deposited in what looked like a heap of dead bodies; on a queue waiting to be burned._  
  
+  
  
_A large beam shooting through space, headed for earth. The blue green planet exploded into a ball of flames._  
  
+  
  
_I screamed and suddenly the images were gone and I was looking at the red eyed woman again. Tears threatened to spill from my eyes. "What the hell was that?" I shouted, terrified at the visions._

_"What will happen if you fail." She whispered and with a wicked smirk she disappeared._

_"Wait! If I fail what! Come back here damn you!" I screamed into the darkness._

"Duo! Godamnit Duo wake the hell up!" Heero yelled as the long haired boy continued to shout while in the throes of whatever dream he was having. When yelling had no effect, the Japanese pilot scowled and smacked a hand across Duo's face.   
  
Violet eyes popped open and Duo stared at Heero in shock for several minutes. "It was just a dream..." He murmured to himself.  
  
Heero grunted and stood up. "Yes, just a stupid dream. Now go back to sleep." He feigned annoyance and climbed back into his bed, trying to etch the image of Duo's terrified, strained face out of his mind.  
  
"Just a dream." Duo whispered to himself and curled up in bed shivering. But if it was just a dream.. why could he still hear that voice echoing in his mind?


	2. Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> by Aya

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note from Dacia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [A Little Piece of Gundam Wing](https://fanlore.org/wiki/A_Little_Piece_Of_Gundam_Wing), which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after July 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [a little piece of gundam wing collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/alittlepieceofgundamwing/profile).

Long flowing hair and slender limbs framed the large picture window as Duo sat on the sill, gazing out blankly at the setting sun.  
  
Normally expressive eyes were bleak and it seemed as though the boy was somewhere far away although he was not more than ten feet from Heero. The safe house wasn't anything spectacular, just a two story wooden cabin with a leaky roof. Trowa was on a mission and Wufei was out doing his lone ranger thing so that left only him, Duo and Quatre to occupy the living space.  
  
Quatre was doing his best to pretend everything was okay when Heero could plainly see that worry was eating away at him. He was not sure how close Quatre and Trowa had gotten since their meeting, but Heero suspected that it was something deeper than friendship.  
  
He heard Quatre crying softly in the middle of the night and he noticed how the slight empath would sometimes rub his chest murmuring that Trowa had to be alright. Sometimes Heero got a sudden urge to try to comfort the other teenager but his lack of communication skills prevented such a thing from happening. Heero put those thoughts out of his mind and concentrated on the boy before him.  
  
"Duo, dinner's ready."  
  
There was no sign that Duo had even heard him as his eyes remained focused on some distant point beyond the window. His expression was haunted and for the first time Heero took the time to study that heart shaped face. He had always admired Duo's beauty, wondered how a creature so physically perfect could serve in such a bloody war.  
  
However, he had never actually allowed himself to gaze into those eyes for fear that he would be caught. Or rather, for fear that he would fall deeper into whatever trap those luminous eyes seemed to draw him into. Now Heero studied that face and noticed how hollow those normally round cheeks were. There were tiny lines around Duo's eyes with full dark circles to accompany them. He looked tired, drained and ashen. It was the expression of a man who had seen and lived through his worst nightmares.  
  
Dark eyebrows drew together and Heero moved closer, placing a hesitant hand on his partner's shoulder. "Duo, dinner." Heero was not one for physical contact. He did not like people invading his personal space and he did not like invading other people's. However when Duo still did not respond, he squeezed one slender shoulder and blinked when the longhaired boy snapped out of whatever trance he had been in. Duo tensed and his eyes widened a fraction as he stared at Heero blankly for a moment. Then as if he were coming to terms with something, he relaxed and flashed an obviously forced grin. "Hey Heero, what's up?" The attempted cheer was half hearted.  
  
Blue eyes narrowed and Heero's mouth tightened into a thin line. "What is wrong with you?"  
  
Duo's eyes narrowed and the attempted smile faded. "Nothing you need to concern yourself with." He said coldly.  
  
If Heero hadn't been so good at controlling his facial expressions, he would have flinched. Those words coming from Duo in such a cold manner made something inside of him twist. For a moment Heero could say nothing, but then he pushed his feelings aside and drew away from the boy. "As long as it doesn't mess with your performance, I won't."  
  
Duo blinked and his mouth turned down into a disappointed scowl. "Whatever." He glared at Heero for another moment before getting to his feet and brushing past the Wing pilot rudely.  
  
Heero clenched his hands into fists and stared after Duo, trying to figure out what the hell had just happened.  
  
+  
  
Duo sat at the table and smiled at Quatre, doing his best to pretend that Heero was not in the room with him. Everyone knew - well only Quatre knew - that he had feelings for Heero. However he was not a silly school girl like a certain blonde haired pacifist so he did not go running around broad casting his feelings. Instead he did the childish thing and was rude to Heero, using every sarcastic comment in the book to get under the other pilot's skin. Partly this was because Duo didn't know what else to do to get a reaction out of Heero and it was also because it got on his last nerve that the other boy acted so much like a mindless drone. The mission this, the mission that. Bah.  
  
Usually that was Duo's excuse for being rude, but today it was something entirely different. He hadn't been able to get a good night's sleep in weeks. Not since he had had that horrible dream about that nightmare mission, the mission that he hoped would never happen in real life..  
  
Recurring nightmares had plagued him, preventing him from getting any rest and made him irritable as hell. But if that was not bad enough sometimes while he was tinkering with his mecha, or even eating.. he would hear that girl's voice whispering again and those images would flash in his mind.  
  
"Duo?"  
  
The boy in question shivered and looked up at Quatre with another forced smile. Damn, it had happened again. "What's up Q?"  
  
Quatre pursed his lips together and studied his friend. "Is everything okay Duo? You don't look very good."  
  
Duo's smile crumbled into a frown and he bit savagely into his chicken. "What is with you guys? I'm fine. Christ almighty."  
  
"No, he is not fine." Heero decided to pipe up as he sat across the table from Duo. "He has not been sleeping at all for the past several days."  
  
"Why don't you mind your own fucking business, Yuy?" Duo growled, glaring daggers at Heero who stared back impassively.  
  
"We are just concerned about you Duo. We are a team after all. We have to look after each other because if we didn't, who else would?" Quatre admonished as he took his place at the table.  
  
Duo opened his mouth to reply but realized that it was true. He slumped down into his chair and stared glumly at his plate. "Sorry."  
  
"It's okay Duo, we have all been under a lot of stress lately." Quatre replied with a tiny smile. "Anyway, I have to make a trip to town this evening. I am low on supplies, salve, bandages and the sort. I was wondering if you'd want to come with me."  
  
Duo's expression brightened at the idea of leaving the house _and_ Heero. "Sure thing Q. I need a few things myself. I don't want to be stuck in here all night with the perfect jack ass, anyway." As soon as the words were out of his mouth Duo nearly bit his tongue off. Whoops. He hadn't meant to say that last part out loud. He could practically feel Heero's eyes boring into him.  
  
"You guys.." Quatre rolled his eyes and sighed exasperatedly. Sometimes he actually wanted to get a mission so that he could be away from the two bickering teens.  
  
+  
  
"--And remember, do not steal! We have enough money to buy things without you stealing, Duo!" Quatre was nagging as he and Duo entered the large discount store.  
  
"Sure thing Q. Two teenage guys buying a shit load of medical supplies is so inconspicuous that we should just mosey on up to the register flashing our moola with enough antiseptic and gauze to wrap up the entire fucking Oz army when we could easily use the five finger discount without drawing suspicion. Genius. Really. No wonder you are the brains of this outfit," Duo drawled as he sauntered along beside the blonde. He could practically hear Quatre gritting his teeth in annoyance.  
  
"Well then, if you are finished dazzling me with your witty repartee I will go search for antibacterial ointment while you shove whatever you can in your pockets. Yes Duo, really inconspicuous. Coming into a store and walking out without buying anything. No one will notice anything funny there," Quatre replied dryly.  
  
Duo stopped in his tracks and gazed at his friend in astonishment. "Was that.. a retort? A retort worthy of even me.. the master of sarcasm!? Gasp! You have come far my little grasshopper!"  
  
"Even `I'," Quatre corrected before rolling his eyes and walking down another isle.  
  
"Coulda sworn it was `me'," Duo muttered as he continued down the toiletries isle smirking to himself. It was just so much fun getting under Quatre's skin. The blonde looked particularly cute with his eyebrows drawn together and lips pursed. If Duo wasn't so attracted to homicidal Japanese guys he might have developed a crush for the kid.  
  
The longhaired pilot walked with a little more bounce in his step as he cruised the isles. Getting out and going shopping usually got him out of whatever funk he was in. When he went out to the town or the city he could actually pretend he was a normal kid going shopping instead of a terrorist looking for supplies. For a little while he could just mess with the staff workers, flirt with the cashiers and forget about all of his freaky dreams and missions. It was the same reason why he liked to frequent night clubs whenever he had down time. It was just a bit of time when he could get away from it all and step outside of his life.  
  
"Sometimes life can knock you down, just gotta pick your ass up off the gro~und, probably don't matter anyway, cause in the end it's gonna be ok, cuz life`s a holid~ay.."(1)  
  
Duo sang along to the pre-colony song as it blared over the loud speakers in the store. He danced down the isle feeling better already as he bopped his head in rhythm to the song. "and tomorrow's another day, and I just wanna pla~y, cause I know that we'll be o~k, cause life's a holi~daay.." He was practically yelling the lyrics now and grinning maniacally at the mental image he was getting of Quatre ducking his head in embarrassment and muttering about not knowing him.  
  
Duo was now serenading a shelf of tissue and about to finish the song with a flourish when an ice cold draft blew across his back suddenly. He stiffened immediately and knew that someone was standing behind him.  
  
"Shinigami-Chan..." A female voice whispered softly in his ear.  
  
That voice... the voice from his dream!  
  
Without hesitation Duo spun around and drew his gun all in one quick movement; aiming it at the girl who stood before him. He inhaled shakily, any trace of his good mood had vanished.  
  
Slanted crimson eyes stared back at him. Eyes that looked like they could spew fire when angered but now looked as though they were sparkling with mirth. A small upturned nose sat in the middle of a pale, gaunt face with thin purple lips that were twisted into a sardonic smirk. Her hair was short, resembling Heero's messy mop and it was spiked out in a disarray of onyx and cherry all over her head. She was a thin slip of a girl, taller than Duo but fragile looking. She was clad entirely in black; an ankle length cloak with a black dress beneath with the kanji for Shinigami embroidered over her chest in thick red thread. She lacked Relena's wholesome good looks and didn't seem to be in the same category as Hilde's tomboyish figure. She was attractive in a scary way but the best way to describe her... would be to say that she looked like a ghost. Her pale bluish white skin made her look like the walking dead.  
  
"Death can't die Shinigami-Chan, isn't it you who always says that?" She practically purred as she eyed him with a smirk.  
  
"What the fu-- who the... how in the..." Duo spluttered as he kept his gun trained on the girl.  
  
She laughed merrily not seeming too concerned about the fact that a rather large gun was aimed at her face. "I'm sure there's a sentence in there just dying to get out."(2) she said in a teasing voice.  
  
Duo's eyes hardened and his lip curled in a sneer. "Who the fuck are you?" He demanded.  
  
"I have many names, which one would you like me to give you?" She asked with a grin.  
  
"You are the girl from that... that dream." Duo stammered, trying to get a handle on what the hell was going on.  
  
"Dream? That ---"  
  
"I want some answers now or I will shoot you."  
  
"Will you now? Tsk tsk Shinigami-Chan! So eager to kill are you? You'd shoot a poor innocent girl just because you claim you saw me in a `dream'?" She asked mockingly.  
  
Duo glared at her for all he was worth. "Who the hell are you? I am not going to ask you again."  
  
She sighed dramatically and bowed in front of him, peeking out from beneath her bangs. "You can call me Takai, that is the name my friends call me." She winked at him.  
  
Duo scoffed. "Friends? Lady I'm aiming a gun at you, I ain't your friend."  
  
"You're `not' my friend."  
  
He grit his teeth in annoyance. Why was everyone so fucking concerned with his grammar today?  
  
"Well since you do not wish to be my friend you can call me by my... professional name," She offered with another disarming grin.  
  
"Oh yeah? And what's that?"  
  
If possible, her large grin widened. "The same name you use so freely in battle: Shinigami."  
  
Duo's eyebrow twitched and he stared at her blankly. "Lady... you are seriously off your rocker."  
  
Takai crossed her arms over her chest. "Am I now? You are the one claiming to have seen me in `dreams' so why is it so hard to believe that I am the God of Death?"  
  
"Because you--" He stopped abruptly and glared again. "I am not going to argue over your lunacy."  
  
She waved a hand dismissively. "Fine whatever, have it your way. What would you like to talk about then? Your little dream?"  
  
He nodded, still holding the gun steadily. "That was one fucking disturbing dream and obviously you know more than I do about it, so start talking. And then tell me who you really are, or else."  
  
She rolled her eyes. "You've got me quaking in fear Shini-Chan."  
  
"And stop calling me that!" He growled.  
  
Takai leaned close to him and smiled ominously. "I'm going to let you in on a little secret _Duo_. That was no dream... it was a vision." She whispered.  
  
He stared at her blankly. "A vision."  
  
She nodded. "Mhm. A vision of what will come to pass if you do not do what needs to be done and overcome your fears and attachments to the past."  
  
Duo rolled his eyes. "Look chick - I don't know whose hydraulic fluid you've been sniffing but I don't have visions. I don't `sense' people's feelings, I don't have a `woochoo no coconut' or whatever the hell that thing is Quatre has and I most certainly don't see the future. So either you start talking truth or I start pumping lead."  
  
"Duo! What the hell are you doing?!"  
  
Duo looked over his shoulder and saw that Quatre was standing behind him holding a basket of items and staring at him as if he had lost his mind. "What the hell does it look like I'm doing?" Duo snapped.  
  
Quatre glared at him. "Well I don't know what you want to call it but from here it looks like you're threatening the damned Windex!"  
  
"What the hell --" Duo turned back to the girl and blinked several times. She was gone. "Wait a fucking minute! She was just here! A girl in a black dress!"  
  
"I really don't know what you are talking about Duo but I suggest you put your damn gun away before someone sees it."  
  
Duo looked around frantically but the girl was indeed nowhere to be found. He shoved his gun back into it's holster and growled angrily.  
  
What the hell was going on?  
  
+  
  
`I am not going insane. I am not going insane. I am not going insane.'  
  
Duo repeated the mantra in his head over and over on the ride back to the house. The girl had been there! He had not imagined her! And she _had_ been in his dream! He hadn't even bothered trying to explain these things to Quatre because it would just make him look even crazier than holding a gun on cleaning fluids had. No, he couldn't tell anyone about this until he figured it out for himself. The last thing he needed was the guys thinking he was delusional and Heero thinking of him as a liability.  
  
"Goddamn it Duo! What the hell were you thinking back there?" Quatre finally demanded.  
  
Duo stared hard out the window. "I don't know Quatre, just leave it alone for now."  
  
"Leave it alone!? What if someone had fucking seen you and called the authorities! That is the last thing we need! Sometimes I really wonder if your damn head is screwed on right."  
  
Duo whipped his head around and glared hard at Quatre. "What the hell has gotten into _you_ lately? When we first met you were all like `oh phooey I burned the darn muffins!' And now you walk into a bar and all the sailors come running out! (3) And I thought _I_ had a dirty mouth."  
  
Quatre's mouth dropped open and his angry expression turned somewhat sheepish. "I.. I don't really know. Everything is just so fu-- messed up. Trowa has been gone for so long, you and Heero are always at each other's throats and now this! I just don't know how to handle any of this! Sometimes I don't even think I'm cut out to be a Gundam pilot. All of this stress and all of these different emotions coming at me just make me crazy sometimes!"  
  
Duo sighed and patted his friend's hand consolingly. "You're crazy? Heh. At least you weren't battling it out with Windex." He said dryly.  
  
Quatre's eyes widened and he burst out laughing. Duo grinned wryly and looked out the window again. "Look Q, I don't know what's going on either. Hell, maybe I am really insane. I have to figure some things out before I can answer any questions... so for now can we just not talk about what happened? And please, _please_ don't tell Heero."  
  
Quatre drove silently for a few moments before nodding slowly. "Agreed."  
  
Duo closed his eyes and once again started to chant the mantra in his head.  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) The lyrics are from the song Holiday by Unwritten Law.  
> (2) Line stolen from Xena. ^^  
> (3) Line stolen from Samuel L. Jackson in The Long Kiss Goodnight


	3. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> by Aya

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note from Dacia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [A Little Piece of Gundam Wing](https://fanlore.org/wiki/A_Little_Piece_Of_Gundam_Wing), which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after July 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [a little piece of gundam wing collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/alittlepieceofgundamwing/profile).

Heero sat on the couch in the small living room with his arms folded over his chest. The other two pilots had returned some time ago and he had the feeling that more had happened on their trip than anyone was telling him. Duo had immediately fled to the room that they shared, closing the door behind him. Quatre on the other hand was sitting on the reclining chair, staring out the window; his face was pinched with worry.  
  
"Do you want to tell me what happened or should I ask Duo?" Heero asked flatly.  
  
Quatre's eyes widened and his mouth dropped open. "W...what? Nothing happened!"  
  
Heero's eyes narrowed and he glared at the blonde. "Do you want to tell me what happened, or should I ask Duo?" he repeated coldly.  
  
"Heero..." Quatre sighed heavily and rubbed his fists over his eyes. "I promised Duo that I wouldn't say anything. It's really no big deal!"  
  
"If it's no big deal, why did he make you promise not to tell me?" The Wing pilot asked shrewdly.  
  
"I--" Quatre stopped and glared at him. "You know what? I really do not appreciate the two of you putting me in the middle of these things. You can fight entire battalions of mobile dolls and blow up bases but you can't even get along with each other!"  
  
Heero's eyes narrowed dangerously but Quatre didn't stop there. He was on a roll.  
  
"If you two hate each other _so_ much, why do you always want to room together anyway? Why do you always request him for your back-up when you go on missions? I think the reason why you guys argue so much is just a bunch of unresolved sexual tension!"  
  
Heero eyes widened and he nearly choked. His eyes bugged out for a moment as he stared at Quatre in shock but he quickly regained his composure and glared harder. "Are you done?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Good. Now tell me what happened."  
  
"You are really annoying, Heero. I want you to know that."  
  
"Spit it out, Quatre."  
  
"Duo is having some problems. I think it has something to do with the fact that he hasn't been sleeping very well," Quatre started slowly.  
  
"What kind of problems?" Heero demanded.  
  
"Well - I think he may be having hallucinations. When we were in the store I found him aiming his gun at a shelf and saying something about a girl being there, but I saw no one."  
  
"Is it possible that someone had been there before you approached?"  
  
Quatre shook his head slowly and sighed. "I don't think so. When I came up behind him ...he was speaking as if he was talking to someone but no one was there!"  
  
Heero narrowed his eyes again. "I see."  
  
"Look Heero, I know what you're thinking--"  
  
"Do you?"  
  
"You're thinking that if he is hallucinating he could put us all in danger in a battle. You're thinking that he is a liability and that he will get in the way. But before you do anything, give him time. See if this gets better. I mean this is the first time anything like this has happened and he is a part of this team. He is an excellent pilot and a brilliant soldier, Heero!"  
  
Heero frowned. "You're acting like I've condemned him already."  
  
"Haven't you?" Quatre asked coldly.  
  
"I am fully aware of everything you are saying Quatre, but if it comes to it I will do what needs to be done," the Japanese teen snapped before standing up and stalking out of the room.  
  
Quatre slumped in his chair and closed his eyes. "Oh Trowa . . . I wish you were here with me. I don't know how to handle this anymore . . ."  
  
+  
  
Heero sat in the cockpit of Wing, his eyes closed as he contemplated everything. Ever since that night three weeks ago, Duo had been acting strangely. He had been quiet, moody, and Heero had noticed that the other pilot had barely been eating or sleeping. Heero knew that no simple nightmare could cause such a dramatic change in a person. There had to be more to this than met the eye. It was obviously not a simple case of insomnia since Duo was supposedly having hallucinations as well.  
  
Heero's brow creased as he thought about it and he slumped in the seat. It bothered him that something was wrong with Duo--something that he could not fix or control. He knew his concern wasn't just because this could endanger the mission. A large part of his concern came because he cared for Duo. He cared for him and thought of him in ways that were supposed to be forbidden between two men and forbidden for someone that had trained under Doctor J.  
  
With a soft sigh the Wing pilot opened a hidden file on his system. Once during a mission, he and the normally cheerful pilot had been in space awaiting orders in their Gundams. As usual Duo had been speaking to him through their comms but after awhile he had grown strangely silent. Curious, Heero had opened the vid connection and saw that Duo had fallen asleep. He had been completely caught off guard at the beauty and peace that graced the other pilot's features. He looked so young and even innocent. Instead of cutting the connection, Heero had watched him sleep and he had even gone so far as to save the file. Ever since that mission, he would open the file and stare at Duo's exquisite features, wondering about things he had no business wondering about.  
  
Now Heero opened that same file and watched as his comrade slept peacefully in the safety of his mobile suit. He had never fully appreciated Duo's smiles and laughter, until now. Now, it was as though Duo was an entirely different person; his face was gaunt and his eyes were shadowed by dark circles. Heero sighed again and gazed at the old Duo--the Duo who made his heart clench and his breath catch in his throat. The recorded Duo smirked in his sleep and murmured something softly. Heero felt a small smile form on his own lips as he eyed that smirk. It was a smirk that was usually accompanied by some mischievous thought or idea.  
  
Heero spent the next few hours watching his secret recording until he drifted into a restless sleep.  
   
+  
  
Duo adjusted the drawstring of his sweatpants and eyed the black punching bag in front of him. After his eventful trip to the market with Quatre, he had went to his room and paced for a couple of hours. He was afraid to fall asleep because the last thing he wanted to do was have those nightmares. However he was too wound up to sleep anyway, too many thoughts were running through his brain. Maybe he was going insane, the idea wasn't that bizarre. With a sigh, Duo dropped into a fighting stance and swung at the punching bag. It was always the same with him. He was always the one with the problem--the one to get captured, the one to get called an idiot . . . the one to be called a bad soldier.  
  
Cross jab, uppercut.  
  
Of course no one ever notices how the others fuck up too, but they always point out when he does. Heero can gun down a shuttle of pacifists and no one says a word, but the flighty American gets captured and Wufei holds it against him forever.  
  
Jab, jab, left hook, snap kick.  
  
He had overheard Heero interrogating Quatre a little while ago and it had pissed him off. Mad because Heero always assumed something was up with him and pissed because Quatre could never just keep his mouth shut. Duo wasn't fighting this war for any of them and none of them were his superiors, so what right did they have to decide if he was a liability or not. G thought he could handle it and he let him have control. As the thoughts ran through his head, Duo got madder and madder; his moves becoming more violent.  
  
Uppercut, front snap kick, rear uppercut.  
  
And why did it have to be him to get the kooky visions and hallucinations? Why couldn't it be one of the others? Why did the weird shit always have to happen to him? Was it even a hallucination or was this 'Takai' real? Why did he have to be the one who couldn't concentrate on his missions? Why did he have to be the one with the nightmares? Duo didn't bother wiping the sweat from his brow as it dripped down the sides of his face.  
  
Lead jab, cross jab, uppercut, roundhouse kick.  
  
Why did he have to be the orphan street kid from L2? Why did he have to be looked down upon by people like Relena just because he hadn't had the privilege to have grown up with a family and a home? Why did his best and only friend have to die? Why did Maxwell Church have to burn down? Why did he always get fucked?  
  
"My. Life. SUCKS!" Duo shouted as he pummeled the bag. "EVERYONE SUCKS!" He screamed at no one in particular. "FUCK THIS WAR! FUCK HEERO! FUCK THAT PINK BARBIE DOLL BITCH AND FUCK . . . FUCK SHINIGAMI!" As soon as the words left his mouth, Duo's head spun and his vision dimmed. "What the...?" Then the ground was suddenly rushing up to meet his face.  
  
+  
  
"You rang?"  
  
Duo opened his eyes and winced as a searing pain shot through his head. With a groan he slowly sat up and glared at Takai. He wasn't surprised to see that he was in the dreamscape from his nightmares--the large open space with no light or color. Just black everywhere. "Quatre's right, I am going crazy."  
  
Takai made a 'tsk tsk' sound and rolled her eyes. "Still a nonbeliever, are you?"  
  
Duo studiously ignored his 'hallucination' and got to his feet, still wary of his pounding headache. "Yup, I have finally gone insane."  
  
"I'd think you would believe in me since you go around shouting my name in vain." She narrowed her eyes at him. "I do not take kindly of you cursing me, boy."  
  
"Well, I don't take kindly to going crazy either, so we're even."  
  
She sighed softly and ran a hand through her bangs. "Duo, you're not going crazy. I am Shinigami. It's the truth. You are one of the strongest souls I have ever encountered and if you were going to go insane you would have done it when Maxwell Church burnt down. The only reason I have chosen to show myself to you, is because certain events are going to take place very soon that will have very bad consequences and it's all up to you to prevent them from happening."  
  
"It's all up to me? Huh. Why do I feel like I'm in a Marvel comic or something? 'Duo Maxwell, you are the only one who can save the world!'"  
  
Takai smirked. "Actually, that's quite accurate."  
  
Duo quirked an eyebrow and smirked right back. "Give me a break."  
  
"Remember those visions I sent you, Duo? That is what will happen if you were to die before this war ends. The outcome of the war does not rest solely on your shoulders because the other pilots play a large part as well, however without you . . . many things that could have been prevented won't be and many will die."  
  
"How...?"  
  
She eyed him for a moment before speaking. "That one with Quatre and Trowa is complicated because many other events are tied into it that I can not tell you. I am already telling you too much. However that battle will take place in space months from now and if you survive, you will save them. The one with Wufei and Heero is pretty self explanatory I think. They will be fighting alone against tremendous odds, but without you and the others they can not win. Their Gundams will be destroyed and they will be beaten to death by White Fang soldiers. The last vision with Earth being destroyed is what Marquise will do if he wins the war."  
  
"What? What's White Fang? And what about the one with Relena and Heero?" The words were coming out of his mouth so fast that he had to take a breath.  
  
Another long pause accompanied by an appraising look. "After you die, Heero will shut down every single emotion he has allowed to seep into his heart since he came to earth. He will only think of the mission and become something like a mindless robot. He will get an assignment to kill Relena and instead of hesitating as he would do if you were to survive, he will kill her."  
  
Duo's eyes widened and his mouth opened and closed several times before he could speak. "Why would he care if I die? I'm expendable, right? He doesn't give a damn about me."  
  
Takai's face was unreadable. "Don't assume you know how he thinks. He feels more than you know."  
  
The long-haired pilot raked a hand through his bangs nervously as he mulled all of it over in his mind. "How can I trust this? How do I know that this isn't all one big hallucination? How do I know you're really Shinigami? Prove it to me somehow."  
  
Thin purple lips turned up into a smirk. "I had a feeling you would say that. Hmm. Don't start crying like a little girl when you see him or I'll be really disgusted," she said mysteriously.  
  
Duo blinked at her. "Him?"  
  
Instead of answering, she gave another mysterious smirk and looked at something over his shoulder. "Isn't he precious?"  
  
"Stuff it, ya old broad," a familiar accented voice snapped.  
  
Duo's heart stopped and he slowly turned around. "Solo . . ." he whispered softly. One hand flew to his mouth and tears sprang to his wide eyes as he stared at his long-dead friend.  
  
"In tha flesh, baby," Solo said with a familiar lopsided smirk.  
  
He was just how Duo remembered him. It was like he had stepped right out of Duo's memories . . . They had never really been sure just how old Solo was but now as Duo stared, he could see that he had been maybe 14 or 15 when he'd died. They were almost the same height now, but Solo was still a couple of inches taller than Duo's 5'1. He looked exactly the same! The same slender lanky limbs and cream colored skin. His light brown hair was tucked behind his ears and hidden by a backwards baseball cap. He had the same shockingly-pale, cyan-colored eyes and pert button nose. His stance was even the same--head cocked to one side and hands on his hips as he eyed everything cynically. Jesus, he even wore the same faded, bedraggled jeans with the torn hems and black button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows.  
  
"Solo!" Duo couldn't stop the happy cry from escaping his mouth as he grabbed the other boy and hugged him tightly. "I've missed you so much!"  
  
"Oi! No need to get all mushy 'n shit, I ain't goin' nowheres for tha time bein'," Solo said, putting up his tough guy front even though he hugged Duo back just as tightly. They stayed like that for several moments; just clutching each other. "I missed ya, Kid," He whispered softly in Duo's ear.  
  
"I'm so sorry! It's all my fault you died! I should have died! It should have been me!" Duo babbled as he smothered his face in his friend's shoulder.  
  
"Hey! Cut that out! Ain't none of it your fault and you know it. If it's anyone's fault it's that broad over there. She's the one who be takin' souls," Solo said as he jerked a thumb in Takai's direction.  
  
She glowered at him. "I'm tired of your mouth. You should learn to have more respect, boy," she snapped.  
  
Solo snorted and raised his chin defiantly. "I ain't gotta respect no one. Why dontcha go count corpses or whatever you morbid bitches do. This is a private moment, ya know. Go on, scram!" Duo smothered his laughter in his friend's shirt. Only Solo would curse out the God of Death and not piss his pants in fear.  
  
Takai sneered. "You have five minutes, boy. Use it wisely." Then she disappeared.  
  
"I bet she's watchin' us right now. Freakin' pedophile probly likes you," Solo muttered as his keen eyes swept over the expanse of darkness.  
  
Duo pulled back and chuckled. "You haven't changed at all, man."  
  
Solo smirked again and looked Duo up and down with a leer. "You have, Kid. You're prettier than you were when we was kids."  
  
A surprised bark of laughter escaped Duo's mouth and he blushed furiously. It made him shockingly happy to hear that Solo thought he was good-looking. "We're still kids," he reminded the ghost dryly.  
  
The blue eyed boy smirked and began sauntering around Duo; eyeing his form. "Nah, youse a kid, I just got a kid's body. I got the mind of a 22 year old man." He stopped circling Duo when they were face to face. "Damn Kid, if I had lived I woulda jumped your dick, no problem."  
  
"Solo!"  
  
Solo laughed and slung an arm around Duo. "I'm proud of ya, Kid. You done good for yaself. Gots a big ass weapon of mass destruction, got good comrades and ya fight better than any of them old alley cat bastards who useta mess with us. If Spotty McCoy could see ya now he'd shit himself!"  
  
Duo felt warm inside at the praise. Solo had always been his hero, the person he admired and looked up to. To hear these words made him practically glow. "I wish you could come back with me," he said sadly.  
  
Solo's smile faded and he reached out, touching the side of Duo's face. "Me too, Kid. I miss ya more than you could ever know."  
  
Then, before Duo could react, those soft, thin lips were pressing to his mouth and his best friend was kissing him. Surprise ran through Duo and, even though he had strong feelings for Heero, this felt all too right. With a soft sigh he parted his lips and kissed Solo back. It was a sweet kiss. Gentle and slow, each of them trying to memorize the taste of the other because they knew they would be separated soon. Once again tears welled in Duo's violet eyes and they spilled onto Solo's cheeks as they kissed desperately.  
  
When they pulled apart, they were both misty eyed and Duo was filled with grief at the idea of losing Solo yet again. "God, why can't you come with me?" he wailed softly.  
  
"I wish I could, but you know I can't," the taller boy said as he blinked back tears of his own. He gave Duo a watery smile and pulled his hat off, raking a hand through his straight hair. "Don't forget me, Kid. We gonna see each other again someday. And do me a fava? Think about me sometimes when ya jerkin' off instead of always fantasizin' bout Mista' Roboto."  
  
Duo laughed through his tears and nodded. "Sure thing, Solo."  
  
Solo sighed heavily and looked at him from under half-closed lids. "I love ya, Kid."  
  
"I love you too, man," Duo said honestly.  
  
"Kick some Romefellar ass for me and listen to the old broad. She knows what she's talkin' about," Solo said as he began to fade away.  
  
'I love you,' Duo mouthed.  
  
"Forever . . ." Solo whispered sadly and he allowed a look of anguish to wash over his features right before he disappeared.  
  
Duo slowly sank to his knees as he stared at the spot where Solo had just been standing. A strangled sob escaped his throat and he sank to his knees tiredly. "Okay Takai, you win. I believe," he whispered. Then, once again, his head spun and his consciousness faded away.


	4. Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> by Aya

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note from Dacia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [A Little Piece of Gundam Wing](https://fanlore.org/wiki/A_Little_Piece_Of_Gundam_Wing), which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after July 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [a little piece of gundam wing collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/alittlepieceofgundamwing/profile).

The safe house looked dark and desolate as Trowa rode up to it on his stolen motorbike. He stopped several yards away from it and squinted. There didn't seem to be any lights on inside, no sign of movement at all. He hopped off the bike gracefully and shrugged on his large backpack before walking slowly over to the house.   
  
He entered cautiously and instead of calling out for one of the others, Trowa put a hand on the comforting weight of his gun where it rested in the holster under his shirt.   
  
He moved stealthily away from the door and froze when he heard a soft rustling sound coming from the other room. Moving cautiously, Trowa entered what looked to be the living room and spotted the source of the noise. Immediately the Latin boy relaxed and a smile played on his lips as he eyed his blond lover. Quatre was sprawled unceremoniously on the couch and seemed to be holding a pillow over his face.   
  
"I don't know which one of you that is and I don't care. Go away!" Came his muffled voice from beneath the pillow.  
  
Trowa smirked and walked over, crouching down beside the other teenager's body. He reached out and ruffled Quatre's silky blond hair playfully. "Hey, you."   
  
One blue-green eye peeked out from behind the pillow. "Trowa? Is that really you or am I imaging that it's you?"   
  
Trowa raised an eyebrow and didn't dignify that question with an answer. Instead he began tugging the pillow away from the slender hands that were clutching it. "I missed you," He said softly and leaned down for a long, slow kiss.   
  
When they parted, Quatre sat up and stared at his boyfriend sulkily. "Well, I'm mad at you."  
  
"What have I done now?"   
  
Quatre toyed with a loose thread from the couch. "You left me alone with those two hardheaded fools. They've been driving me crazy."  
  
Trowa chuckled. "Arguing as usual?"  
  
"Yes and worse. Duo seems to have lost his mind and I'm afraid Heero is going to start thinking that he shouldn't be a part of the team anymore. It's just one big mess."  
  
"What happened?" The taller pilot demanded, concern washing over his features.   
  
Quatre began going over the details of the past couple of weeks quickly. Starting with Duo's uncharacteristic behavior, to his own short temper and ending with the conversation he had just had with Heero.   
  
Trowa leaned back on his haunches and mulled the situation over quietly. His lean face was set in a pensive scowl. "Has anyone spoken to Duo in detail about what's going on with him? Tried to talk to him without yelling and sarcasm?" He asked with a raised brow.  
  
The blond pilot dropped his gaze and fiddled with the string from the couch. "Well... not exactly," He mumbled. When Trowa sighed and started to stand, Quatre looked up indignantly. "I told you! I've been having a hard time dealing with all of this stress. I know that usually I'm level headed and everything, but lately ... lately everything has just been so weird! I don't even feel like myself anymore. It's like my own emotions are feeding off of Duo's turmoil and it's making me act so ... different!" Quatre sank back against the sofa and puffed out a frustrated sigh.   
  
Trowa sat down beside his lover and began rubbing one slender shoulder soothingly. "Well, maybe that's just it then."   
  
Quatre's delicate features screwed together in a confused scowl. "What's just what then?" He asked irritably.   
  
Trowa gazed at him patiently. "Maybe whatever causes you to feel other people's emotions is what is making you so ... belligerent lately. Maybe not only are you aware of Duo's distress, but you have come to a point where it is directly affecting your own thoughts and moods," he suggested and tapped Quatre's chest with his long index finger. "Your ... " He let the sentence trail off, not really knowing what to call Quatre's peculiar sixth sense.   
  
Quatre smiled wearily. "My uchuu no kokoro." After a moment he opened his mouth to explain the meaning but Trowa cut him off before he could voice the translation.  
  
"Heart of Universe?" He asked with a puzzled frown. When Quatre looked at him in surprise, Trowa shrugged. "I told you I used to travel with mercenaries. They were from places all over earth and the colonies. I learned many things from them, including bits of Japanese and other languages."  
  
"When I was still in my father's home, I was afraid to tell him about my gift so I tried to study it in secret. I did learn that I'm not the only person with this ability and that it's mostly called 'uchuu no kokoro ' or Space Heart. I don't know why. The smaller boy sighed and looked at the ceiling. "I never got a chance to learn a lot about it, so I don't know exactly if what you suggested is true. I guess it could be... and it would explain a lot, but don't you think it's odd that this has never happened before?"   
  
"I don't know Quatre. Perhaps it's because Duo's distress is so strong now."  
  
Quatre nodded. "You know, now I feel bad for snapping at him so much. We do need to talk to him, it's not good for him to be all alone when he is feeling like this."  
  
Trowa stood up and stretched in the process, causing his sweater to ride up a little and show his toned stomach. He studiously ignored Quatre's coy smirk and pulled the other pilot to his feet. "There is time for that later, now we talk to Duo."  
  
Quatre gave a long suffering sigh and thought of the three long weeks that he had slept alone but he quickly got his priorities straight and thought of his best friend. With a nod he started to lead Trowa to the basement where he had seen Duo go earlier.  
  
+  
  
Someone was calling his name in a very distorted sounding voice. It sounded like someone was playing a recording in slow motion, which basically made everyone sound like they were verbally retarded.   
  
"... D. . uuu ... oooo. . !"   
  
He wished they would shut the hell up. His head was killing him and he was in some kind of unpleasant black void. Or was he asleep? Whatever. Same thing as far as he was concerned. He didn't know why his head felt like someone had kicked it with a Gundam or why he seemed to be floating in... nothing, but it seemed to be much more pleasant than confronting the source of that annoying voice.   
  
"... uuu... OoOOo!"   
  
Great. The idiot was yelling louder now. If he hadn't responded the first ten times what made them think he would respond now? Nothing was dragging him out of this void. Nothing. Especially not a damn slow speaking moron.   
  
"Duo!" The suddenly clear, familiar voice shouted and followed it with a hard smack.   
  
Duo's eyes finally popped open and he stared hazily at the two people who were hovering over him with equally concerned expressions. As he took in the fact that the shirt Quatre was wearing belonged to him and the fact that Trowa had apparently come back from his  
mission, everything came flooding back to Duo. Takai, the dream and Solo. Damn it. The back of Duo's eyelids began to burn in warning and he quickly blinked away tears. "What's the big idea? Hitting a guy when he's sleeping?! What kind of stuff is this??" He demanded loudly, trying to appear 'normal' for his teammates and regretting it as the sound of his own voice sent pain shooting through his brain.  
  
"We found you down here unconscious." Trowa said, stating the obvious. He and Heero had a knack for doing that kind of thing.   
  
"Well, n~o freaking shit!" Duo sneered sarcastically and shakily got to his feet, pushing off Quatre's arm when he tried to help. "You found me unconscious and decided that the best plan of action was to beat me awake. How logical."   
  
"Now look Duo -- we were only trying to -- "  
  
Duo cut Quatre off with a wave of his hand. "Trying to help? Well news flash, kid. No one can help me. No one can help me because I'm way fucking beyond helping. I'm so far beyond helping that _God_ couldn't touch this fucking situation. It's a~ll up to me, she said! It's all up to me or everyone dies! As fucking usual!" Duo shouted at no one in particular.   
  
Trowa and Quatre stared at him as if he was a mad man. Well, what the hell. He probably was. "Duo, I'm not totally clear on what's going on so maybe you could --"  
  
+  
  
_The Taurus made a last ditch effort to fight, flinging its buster rifles at the mobile suits that were surrounding it._  
  
"Trowa! Look out!" Quatre screamed and hurled Sandrock into the mobile doll that was about to blast Trowa's suit. The Gundam moved jerkily, not responding fast enough to fight off the suits that surrounded them.   
  
+  
  
Duo froze as the visions once again flashed through his mind. It seemed like an eternity before he once again only saw his two concerned friends and not the grisly prophecy.   
  
No longer having the energy to maintain his hostile attitude, Duo cut Trowa off with a wave of his hand. "No. None of you can help me so don't bother trying. I'm... I'm sorry for this, but I can't figure this out and deal with you all at the same time. Just... leave me alone." Before his friends could stop him, Duo moved quickly out of the basement and shakily made his way up the stairs.  
  
 +  
  
Life is kind of funny when you think about it. You start out young and everything around you could be entirely fucked up but you don't notice or complain because it's all you ever knew. All you ever knew was fighting, stealing and sleeping in alleys and abandoned buildings. It's not like you ever complained though, because living in poverty was all you ever knew... and you had nothing to compare it too. Nothing to complain about.   
  
Then as usual karma, fate, God... whatever you think controls this shitty thing called life throws something in the mix that completely shoves you off balance. That's when the whole pattern starts. You think you have everything under control and then something comes along to rock your world.   
  
You're living on the streets... but you're not complaining because at least you're alive. Then your best friend dies. You're living - for once - in a place that's somewhat comfortable and you have something close to a family. Then the church burns down. You become a Gundam pilot which is weird enough... then you adjust to life as a terrorist... but out of nowhere you find out that there really is a God of Death and she thinks you can save the world.   
  
Life was funny like that sometimes.   
  
+  
  
Duo sat on the edge of the windowsill and stared out at the moon. Not even six hours ago, he had been sitting in the exact same spot, but somehow it seemed like a lifetime ago. In those six hours so many things had happened and now he felt like the weight of the world was on his slender shoulders. The lives of his best and only friends depended on him. Their lives depended on whether or not he could shoot someone who was the spitting image of the only mother figure he had ever known.   
  
Earlier that afternoon he hadn't even been thinking about his long dead best friend, but now the pain of losing Solo yet again was still fresh in his mind. Now he feared missions because of his visions but at the same time he was anxious to get it over with so he wouldn't have to sit and wait for death any longer.   
  
The sense of impending doom overwhelmed him and he couldn't remember a time when he had felt so confused. Duo thought about Heero and what Takai had said. It gave him some hope that Heero could possibly feel something for him but at the same time it frightened him that there was a chance that he would never find out.   
  
"Duo."  
  
The longhaired pilot nearly jumped out of his skin and he glared at Heero. "I hate when you sneak up on me," he snapped wearily.  
  
Heero gave a one shouldered shrug and leaned against the doorframe, scrutinizing Duo from under his bangs. His gaze was intense and for a change Duo could actually make out emotions swirling in the dark blue depths. However there were too many for Duo to be able to just pick out one. "We have a mission."  
  
For a moment Duo's heart wrenched painfully in his chest and the world came to a screeching halt. A mission. Was it the mission?   
  
Heero took a step toward his partner and frowned. "Are you --"  
  
"I'm fine," Duo growled and jumped to his feet, fighting the waves of nausea that were attacking him. "Let's get this over with."  
  
There was another long pause before the Wing pilot turned on his heel and marched out of the room like the good little soldier he was. Duo ran a hand through his bangs and followed, wondering why he was suddenly so afraid of death.


	5. Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> by Aya

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note from Dacia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [A Little Piece of Gundam Wing](https://fanlore.org/wiki/A_Little_Piece_Of_Gundam_Wing), which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after July 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [a little piece of gundam wing collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/alittlepieceofgundamwing/profile).

Duo ran.  
  
He ignored the bushes and brambles that tore at his clothes, hair and flesh as he pushed through them. He ran from the clearing where he had left Deathscythe; like the Devil himself was chasing him. He ran through the forest with no sense of direction and no sense of time. All he knew was anger, depression, fear and complete and utter frustration.   
  
He ran without looking back.  
  
Sweat mingled with blood trickled down his face and arms, but still he didn't stop as the thorns from a low hanging branch tore at the tender flesh of his cheek. His breath was coming hard, in harsh pants but his legs moved on, youthful muscles pumping and flexing as he raced through the dark woods with no destination in mind.   
  
However, unexpectedly his black booted foot caught on a root and Duo went sprawling forward, landing in an undignified heap on his face. The slender teenager lay there, panting for breath, his thin fingers digging into the earth as he tried to ignore the pain that was lancing up his side where he had been bruised the fight. He lay on the ground and told himself to get up, he had things to do, he had things to worry about, he had people who were depending on him. However the longer Duo reminded himself of his responsibilities the more he felt rooted to the ground.  
  
The mission had not been the one he was both dreading and anticipating. It had been a simple infiltration but somewhere along the line he and Heero had been discovered. It had turned into a frantic escape, with both of them running out of ammo and trying to get to their Gundams. The whole time Duo had been expecting the worst, expecting this to be the day that he would die. That thought had driven him to kill every enemy he came across swiftly and ruthlessly. He had gunned down dozens of soldiers without hesitation, proving to himself and Takai that he could kill without hesitation. That he would not get himself killed like he did in that damned dream... vision.. whatever it was.   
  
Duo had truly earned his self-proclaimed title of Shinigami on this night as he had driven   
his hunting knife into the hearts of several unfortunate soldiers. He had killed efficiently and he had saved Heero's life. However, in the end, all of his fighting and blood spilling had not been necessary because he had not once seen Helen's doppelganger.  
  
Duo smirked to himself as he recalled the almost shocked look that had graced Heero's face when Duo had drop kicked one soldier in the throat, effectively crushing his windpipe as he simultaneously hurled his hunting knife at the other Ozzie who had managed to get the drop on Heero. The knife had buried itself in the man's throat, killing him instantly. Duo wrapped his arms around himself and replayed the scene in his mind over and over again. Had Heero been shocked to see that Duo was such a good fighter? Because he had realized he had underestimated his partner yet again? Or was he shocked because Duo Maxwell 'braided baka' had saved his life? Or maybe he was shocked that the 'joker' of the group could be so ruthless in a battle. The smirk faded from Duo's face as he recalled once again, the men he had killed.   
  
When Wing and Deathscythe had landed in the clearing, Heero had immediately started back towards the safe house, but Duo had remained in the cockpit of his Gundam. He had been ashamed. . . ashamed of the fact that he had destroyed so many lives in the span of two hours and even more ashamed of the fact that he had enjoyed it. He had enjoyed it because he proved to himself that he _was_ a good soldier. But even so, the adrenaline, the rush. . . it had given him a thrill. It had made him feel more alive than he had in weeks.  
  
At this revelation Duo had been utterly horrified and the idea of facing his fellow pilots was too much for him to bear at that moment. So he had remained within the safe cocoon of the cock pit before his thoughts had started to wander on to bigger things. Suddenly being in the normally comforting pilot's seat had been too stifling and he had run away. Duo didn't know if he had been trying to run away from his Gundam. . . or away from his problems. Whichever it had been, he could never escape for long.   
  
After awhile Duo turned on his back, staring up at the darkening sky as a light drizzle began to fall from the clouds. Violet eyes closed and he imagined that the rain was God's way of cleaning the blood from his slender hands and purifying him of his sins. The rain started to fall harder and the dried blood began to disappear from his skin as it mixed with the raindrops and coursed down his cheeks like red tears. "I wish there was a God," Duo whispered to himself as real tears welled in his eyes. "I wish there was a God... so I could ask why he damned me to have such a miserable life..."   
  
Duo squeezed his eyes shut tighter and a whimper escaped his lips as he once again tried to speak "I wish there was a God... so that I could ask him why he let a church full of good, kind people die. So I could ask why he lets innocent kids suffer and die from plagues... so I could ask why I'm always being punished..." Duo's eyes snapped open and he glared up at the angry charcoal colored storm clouds. "WHY?" He screamed at the sky. "WHY, DAMN YOU? WHY THE HELL DO YOU LET PEOPLE SUFFER?"   
  
Thunder boomed loudly as if in answer and suddenly Duo swore he saw a face in the gloomy sky. A face that was neither man nor woman... but a combination of the two. It was androgynous and very beautiful. It had eyes that were so mournful and sad, it made Duo's own pain seem insignificant.   
  
_"I gave life. I can not control the whims of those I have created."_  
  
The words seemed to whisper across Duo's mind in a soft, musical tone.   
  
Duo stared up at the sky, transfixed by what he knew he was seeing until the image slowly faded away, leaving the clouds and rain. He got to his feet and with a long shaky sigh, Duo wrenched his gaze from the sky and stared blankly at the wooded area around him. In a way he was not surprised by what had just occurred. Why should he be, with everything else that had happened? Duo shook his head and rubbed a hand across his red rimmed eyes.   
  
All his life he had doubted the existence of God. He had spat blasphemous remarks left and right, throughout his childhood and into his teen years. He had doubted God's existence, cursed God's name and if he did in fact exist, Duo had probably damned himself to an eternity in hell long ago.   
  
Duo raised his shaking hands to rub across the goose flesh that was beginning to rise on his alabaster skin. _//Am I going crazy... did I just imagine that? Is Takai fucking with my head even more? Is there a God? If there is a God why can't_ he _save the fucking world? Why does this shit always have to happen to_ me _? What makes me so goddamned special?//_ The thoughts raced across his mind as he once again turned his face upwards to gawk at the stormy sky. After several moments, he raked a hand through his wet bangs and decided that agonizing over it wasn't going to get him anywhere. The possibility that 'God' was looking down on him, watching his every move and his every kill... was just one more frightening idea he didn't need at the moment.  
  
"My life gets weirder everyday..." he whispered softly and began his trek back to the safe house.   
  
+  
  
Duo stared at the door to the room he and Heero shared. He had been staring at it for the past five minutes, trying to get up the nerve to go inside and face the Wing pilot. He knew that Heero would be asking all kinds of questions and he wasn't prepared to answer them yet. Hell, he might not ever be prepared to talk about any of the stuff that was going on. They would never believe him and it would make him look crazy. He took a deep breath and walked in the room.   
  
Heero didn't look surprised to see the smaller teenager but his brows drew together in concern at the sight of Duo's wet, bedraggled state. His Prussian eyes flickered over Duo quickly; looking for wounds. "What took you so long to get back?" He demanded sharply.  
  
Duo shrugged off his dirty, wet, button down shirt and held Heero's gaze. "Worried about me, were ya?" He asked in a hoarse voice that he barely recognized as his own.   
  
Heero's jaw tightened and his hands clenched into fists. "Yes."   
  
Duo's eyes widened fractionally at the admission and his mind flew back to what Takai had said to him.  
_  
"Don't assume you know how he thinks. He feels more than you know."_  
  
People always said there was a silver lining in every dark cloud, but Duo never thought it could be true for him. He always thought his luck was shitty straight through and there was never a good side to anything that happened to him. But maybe in this case... he was wrong. Duo's eyes narrowed as he stared at Heero. There was a possibility that the Japanese boy only cared for him as a friend but Duo didn't want to sit around and try to figure it out. He had a chance, even if it was a slim chance and he was going to take it before it was too late. He would rather go for it and be shot down instead of having everything go to hell without ever knowing if he and Heero could have had something before they died.   
  
Duo walked forward slowly until he was directly in front of Heero. He studied the other boy's eyes, almost smirking at the way his hands clenched and unclenched nervously. Duo hesitated and reminded himself that Heero could smash his face in easily if this was not what he wanted. But then again... this could be the last chance he ever got to act on his feelings. Duo moved closer until he was well beyond invading Heero's personal space and waited.   
  
"What are you looking at?" Heero demanded grumpily. He glared at Duo dangerously as if he were trying to scare him into backing off. However there was something in his eyes. . . something that was giving Duo a spark of hope.   
  
"Nothin'." Duo replied softly as he slowly raised one hand and brushed disheveled chocolate colored bangs out of Heero's gorgeous stormy eyes.   
  
Heero tensed as Duo's hand rose and began slowly massaging his left shoulder, as the other ran through his surprisingly silky hair. Every muscle in his body was coiled and ready to spring into action at any moment but instead he stood still and let Duo touch him. He stood still as slender fingers danced over his delicate cheekbones and only shivered when one finger brushed across his soft lips.   
  
Heero's dark eyebrows drew together uncertainly as he dragged his gaze from the questing hands to Duo's face. "What's going on, Duo?" He asked huskily.   
  
Duo ignored the question and instead began working the buttons of Heero's black shirt open, biting his lip as he stared hungrily at the smooth bronze flesh that was being revealed. He slipped his hands under the shirt and heard the hitch in Heero's breathing when he ran his hands lightly down the well-defined chest. In one gentle caress of fingers over flesh, the shirt was off of Heero's shoulders and hanging from his arms. Violet eyes focused on the pebbled nipples and Duo leaned forward to boldly lap at one but Heero abruptly grabbed his shoulders.  
  
"If you don't tell me what's going on, get away from me." He said harshly.   
  
Duo yanked his hands away as if he had been burned and recoiled from his friend. "I'm.. I'm sorry," He stammered and turned away; face burning in embarrassment. "Guess, I got carried away. Sorry..."   
  
Heero took a deep breath and raked a hand through his hair. "Nothing to be sorry about," He said gruffly. "I just would like to know why you are doing this."   
  
Duo stared at the floor and tried to gather his frazzled thoughts to form a decent response. "I just want to be normal..."   
  
Again, Heero's eyebrows drew together in confusion. "What does that mean?"  
  
The longhaired boy spun around and stared at his partner angrily. "Normal! Don't you know what that is, Yuy?! I want to be a normal fucking teenager without having to kill and without having to worry about my friends dying because of me! I want to be normal, damn it! Don't you?"   
  
"Everyone has their own interpretation of 'normal'." Heero returned flatly.   
  
Duo scowled and grabbed the other teen by the shoulders. "Normal, for me is being able to have a crush on the finest guy I've ever seen and not have to throw myself at him because I'm so worried that I'll never get a chance to touch him again!"  
  
Heero's eyes widened and something in his chest tightened almost painfully. "Duo..."  
  
"That's why I'm doing this, Heero. Because I want to have my chance with you before I have to die."  
  
Before Heero could protest the last part of that sentence, Duo leaned forward and crushed their lips together. Any objections he had died before they could escape his lips, as Heero automatically wrapped his arms around the smaller pilot and returned the kiss eagerly. He had been dreaming about this moment for months now and he wasn't going to ruin it.  
  
Duo deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue into Heero's parted lips and releasing a low moan of approval when the Wing pilot began massaging his tongue with his own. They stood there, clutching each other desperately as they explored each other's mouths for the first and maybe the last time. Duo lapped at Heero's lips thirstily, enjoying the breathless sounds that were escaping the other boy's throat. He sucked Heero's lower lip into his mouth, sucking on it almost painfully before releasing it and automatically placing small kisses against the swollen mouth apologetically.   
  
Duo pulled his mouth away and looked into Heero's half closed blue eyes breathlessly. The lust he saw there sent an electric shock through his body and Duo whimpered before kissing the taller boy again. This time he pressed his body against the other's and made sure Heero was pushed back against the desk before grinding their hips together erotically.  
  
Heero groaned loudly and his arms tightened around Duo, frantically clawing at his still damp clothes; ripping the dirty tee shirt off violently before running his hands along Duo's slender torso. His fingers clutched the slender shoulders hard enough to bruise as their hips pounded together in an obscene dance. "Shit..." He hissed softly, throwing his head back and moaning louder as Duo's gyrations grew more frantic. He felt Duo's lips pressing against the base of his throat and Heero bit down on his lip to muffle the moan that was dying to escape his mouth.   
  
Duo kissed his way up Heero's chin and claimed the soft cherry lips yet again, trying to memorize the taste and feel of him as their tongues wound together. This time it was Heero who ended the kiss as he ran his tongue into Duo's ear, biting at the soft lobe teasingly before licking it. Duo's knees buckled and he latched onto Heero desperately.  
  
However, the soldier in Heero kept fighting passed the lust and yearning, reminding him of why he had never made a move on Duo before. The soldier in him raged on about emotional attachments and what a danger they could be in a battle. Heero tried to stomp on these thoughts but years of training caught up with him and he wrenched himself away from the beguiling boy and took several deep breaths. "We can't."  
  
Duo stared at him, eyebrows drawing together in a grimace of displeasure. "Yes, we can." He leaned forward stubbornly and pressed his lips to Heero's again. When Heero didn't respond, Duo glared at him briefly before trailing kisses down his neck and chest, capturing one nipple between his teeth.   
  
Heero gasped and clutched the edge of the desk tightly. "Duo..." The rest of his sentence ended in a soft moan of pleasure as long fingers wormed their way down the front of his now unzipped jeans and wrapped around his wet arousal.   
  
"Just let me.. just this once... please..." Duo whispered, burying his face in Heero's damp shoulder as his fist tightened around the length of flesh. Heero could not refuse a plea like that no matter what the logical part of his brain said. He squashed all negative thoughts quickly and concentrated on Duo.   
  
He swallowed convulsively, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down with each gasp for breath. His rebellious body ignored his training and Heero leaned against the desk heavily, spreading his legs to give Duo easier access to his groin. "Ah... ahh!" Heero bit down on his lower lip desperately, mortified by the helpless little sounds that were escaping his mouth.   
  
"Is that good, Heero?" Duo rasped, leaning back to gaze in wonder at the exotically beautiful face that was currently contorted with bliss. He was so...  
  
\+   
  
_Heero's lifeless body, thrown carelessly in the corner of a cell. His skin had a blue gray tint to it and blood was smeared across his badly bruised face. Maggots were feeding on the meaty cuts that were gaping across his chest._  
  
+  
  
A cry of horror escaped Duo's mouth and he buried his face in Heero's shoulder once again, trying to block out the terrible vision.   
  
"...Yeah...s'good.." Heero murmured breathily, hips thrashing as Duo's hand continued to caress him. He was oblivious to his partner's distress. His whole world was centered on his pulsating cock and the hot wave of pleasure that was building inside of him.   
  
Tears tracked down Duo's face as the image ingrained itself in his mind, he bit down on the bare shoulder under him, muffling his soft anguished sobs.  
  
With one last flex of his hips, Heero threw back his head and cried out as he came all over both of them. "Duo!" He cried desperately before collapsing against his small lover.   
  
Duo inhaled shakily and slowly dragged his hand away from Heero's flaccid penis. He leaned back again and gazed at Heero with watery eyes, smiling sadly when he looked into the dazed blue eyes. "Tell me you care for me, Heero?" Duo felt incredibly vulnerable as he said those words, but he needed to hear them... before everything ended. Before everything was gone. Before the beautiful sated vision before him turned into the ghastly corpse that kept flashing across Duo's mind.  
  
Heero stared at him from under long bangs and his lips quirked up in a small smile. "I care for you more than anything I've ever known," He whispered huskily.  
  
Duo closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, his breath shuddering as another sob fought to escape his throat. "God, I can't lose you now, I can't lose any of you!" He wailed and brought his sticky hands up to cover his face, attempting to hide the tears that insisted on flowing.   
  
Heero wrapped his arms around Duo and embraced him tightly. "Don't cry, Duo... I can't stand to see you like this."  
  
"I'm not crying, damn it!" Duo protested weakly, even as his voice cracked under the onslaught of another batch of sobs.  
  
Heero buried his face in Duo's hair and sighed. "You won't lose us, Duo... I promise you."   
  
Little Shinigami hugged his new lover tightly. "God, I hope so."  
  
The Japanese pilot shifted on the desk until he was sitting atop it and cradled Duo's form to his chest gently. He ignored the sticky mess in his pants and did his best to comfort the boy he had grown to care for. His mind was whirling in ten directions at once, trying to figure out what had the Deathscythe pilot so spooked that he would break down like this. He knew it had something to do with the dreams...  
  
Just as the thought crossed his mind, Heero's hair stood on end and his training reawakened the soldier in him. Unseen eyes were watching them. Watching them from somewhere very close... and Heero had the feeling that wherever he looked, he wouldn't see who the invisible eyes belonged to.  
  
With a shiver, the Wing pilot pulled his charge closer and his hands tightened on Duo's shoulders protectively. Something very strange was going on...


	6. Part 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> by Aya

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note from Dacia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [A Little Piece of Gundam Wing](https://fanlore.org/wiki/A_Little_Piece_Of_Gundam_Wing), which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after July 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [a little piece of gundam wing collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/alittlepieceofgundamwing/profile).

There was no light in this dreamscape and the distinction between ground, wall and sky was invisible. Everything was midnight black shot through with smoky red swirls that oozed along the darkness like a sentient thing. The blanket of darkness seemed to spread out far and wide for miles and it was the only thing Duo could see. He took a few steps forward, feeling extremely paranoid about walking on what appeared to be nothingness. It looked like he was walking on air even though that idea was squashed when his footsteps echoed throughout the place.  
  
"Takai?" His voice echoed loudly and he winced at the sound.   
  
For the first time, Shinigami did not appear when her name was said. Duo's eyes narrowed and he continued to walk on for what seemed like an eternity. It felt like he was walking in circles at first and the red swirls were making him dizzy. Suddenly, his footsteps weren't the only sound. He could hear the faint buzz of several voices not too far off and he quickened his pace to get to them.  
  
After a few moments of jogging towards the sound, he approached what looked to be a wall full of televisions. With a confused grunt, Duo walked up to the wall and his eyes widened in surprise. They weren't televisions; they were windows to the world and colonies. In each square you could see events that were taking places in several different places. In one, grungy children were running from a group of adults in an L2 neighborhood. In another, Relena was sitting at a desk having an intense discussion with a girl with long platinum hair and shifty blue eyes.  
  
Duo's eyebrows creased together in a frown as he looked over each window in awe. He saw soldiers resting, children playing in parks, he saw Treize Khushrenada in one and Wufei in another, sitting in a field as he meditated. Violet eyes fell on one of the last windows and Duo swore softly under his breath. It was an image of he and Heero, lying in bed at the safe house. Duo stared in fascination, knowing that the scene was going on at that very moment even though his subconscious was wandering around in Takai's dream world. He noticed that Heero wasn't asleep and that the Japanese pilot was caressing the body next to him; lips turned up in a small smile as he watched Duo's sleeping form.   
  
"I see you finally got somewhere with Ryu-chan."  
  
Duo did an almost comical double take and stumbled backwards when Takai suddenly appeared at his side. "What the hell, woman!? Don't _do_ that!"   
  
Purple lips twisted in a humorless smile and Takai looked at the image again. "I'm surprised he was so easily seduced. But then again, he has wanted you for quite awhile."  
  
The blood rushed to Duo's face and he shifted uncomfortably. "Ryu-Chan? Who the hell is that?"  
  
The dark haired Goddess tsked at him and smirked. "You don't even know your lover's real name? I'm scandalized."  
  
"Heero isn't his real name?"  
  
Takai made a face. "Of course not. It's a code name. His birth name is Tajirou Ryusaki."  
  
Duo rolled the name around in his head and decided that he liked the sound of it. "Does... he know that's his real name?"  
  
A sly smirk graced her features. "I'm afraid not. The dear boy doesn't know anything about his earlier years. I would love to enlighten you about his past, if you are interested."  
  
The longhaired boy frowned at her. One part of him wanted to learn more about Heero. Although he and the other pilots had grown closer together, they didn't know anything about each other. However, the other part of his brain didn't think it was right for to him learn secrets that Heero wasn't even aware of.  It felt wrong somehow. "No thanks. Let's just stick to what you called me here for. Oh and you sending me that vision when Heero and me were... getting closer was not funny at all."  
  
One thin eyebrow rose. "It wasn't meant to be funny. I didn't want you to forget about your purpose."  
  
Duo sneered at her. "How could I?"  
  
They glared at each other for a few moments before she turned her back on him. "I called you here to discuss what you plan to do, not to bicker."  
  
Duo looked at the window again and stared vacantly at one of the scenes from L2. "What do you think I plan to do? I'm going to go on that mission and not let her take me by surprise this time. This time, she dies and I won't be caught off guard. The problem will be solved."  The longhaired teen looked at the image of Heero again and he smiled fondly as the blue-eyed boy struggled to keep his eyes open. It reminded him vaguely of a kitten, fighting against sleep so that it could stay awake and play.  
  
"Oh Duo, if only it _were_ that simple.." Takai whispered softly.  
  
The smile immediately faded and Duo felt his chest constrict painfully. "What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
Takai turned to him and for a change her thin lips were not twisted in her mockery of a smile. Her slanted crimson eyes were studying him thoughtfully and she seemed to be choosing her words very carefully. "Never mind." She turned her back on him and began looking at the screens again, her hands clasped behind her back.  
  
Duo's frustration had been mounting over the last few days and he felt anger start to take control of him. His breath began to come faster as he clenched his hands into fists and he was seeing bright red spots as his temper began to claw at the more sensible parts of his mind. Before he realized what he was doing, his hand was closing around one of Takai's slender arms and he was jerking her around roughly. "Now you listen to me, lady -- You have totally turned my fucking world upside down in the past few weeks with your goddamn visions and I have not come this far to be jerked around. So you tell me everything or I swear I will find some way to make you pay." His words came out in a low growl, eyes flashing with black rage.  
  
For a moment there was complete silence, besides the soft buzzing from the windows. Violet eyes dragged back to the tender image of Heero, and  Duo felt his rage cool a bit. He took a deep breath before looking into Takai's eyes. It was then that he realized what a big mistake he had just made. Her eyes were practically glowing with fury and her purple lips were pulled back in a hideous snarl. She no longer looked the part of a little Goth girl playing God. She looked unearthly... and evil.  
  
One pale, deceptively slender hand grabbed his chin and before he knew it, she was holding him about two feet off the 'floor'. "You underestimate me, boy." She growled, eyes shooting red sparks as she squeezed hard enough to gag him. "I chose to help you and my thanks is _this_?" She hissed angrily. "You disrespect me, you mock me and you dare to touch me. I don't think you understand that I could crush you --" She snapped the fingers of her left hand. "Like that."  
  
Duo opened his mouth to speak, but wound up gagging. His hands flew up to claw at her arm as he slowly began to suffocate. "Leggo..." He rasped.  
  
She smirked at him evilly before flinging him carelessly away from her. He landed on his back about three feet away, panting as he clutched at his abused throat. "Do you really want to know, boy? Are you sure you can handle it?"  
  
Anger flared inside of Duo and coursed through his veins, urging him to snap at the woman and strike out. No one pushed him around, not even the damned God of Death. He took a long calming breath and closed his eyes briefly, trying to rein in his already out of control temper. "Just tell me," He whispered from between clenched teeth. "Tell me so I can get this over with and move on with my damn life."  
  
Her lips pulled back in an unbecoming smile and she began to walk in slow circles around him. "The woman, the woman from the vision.. she bore a strong resemblance to the kind Sister Helena McCoy, didn't she?"   
  
Duo's eyes flew up and he focused on the Goddess standing above him. Her red eyes still held the faintest traces of anger, but she seemed to be all business again. "yes, it was... disturbing. That's why I was so surprised. She was.. she looked... Sister Helen, she died and... it just caught me off guard," Duo said roughly, eyes stinging as he remembered the _real_ Helen.  
  
"They look enough alike to be, sisters maybe? Perhaps even a twin, wouldn't you say?"   
  
Duo's lip lifted in a snarl and he glared at her. "Just where the hell are you going with this? Are you trying to tell me she's Sister Helen's sister?"  
  
Thin purple lips pursed and once again, Takai looked unsure of herself. "What if I was to tell you that Sister Helen didn't die on L2? What would you say?"  
  
Violet eyes opened wide and Duo skittered backwards on the floor, staring up at Takai. "She died!" He snarled angrily. "How fucking dare you try to.. try to _lie_ to me like that! She died! I saw her die! She died in my fucking arms!" He was unreasonably angry, but the things she was saying were getting to him in the worst way. He had tried his best to shove these thoughts and memories out of his mind and here she was drudging them all back up.   
  
"How do you know she died, Duo?" She challenged, walking towards him. "You were only a child, you could have _thought_ she was dead, because she was so close to it... but what if she had survived and the ambulance and police arrived just in time to save her?"  
  
The longhaired boy shook his head in denial and looked away from her, but she pressed on ruthlessly.  "What if you were to find out that the EMT people brought her back from the brink of death and she lived in a hospital for years while in a coma? When she woke up finally, she had no recollection of anything that had happened on L2. No one ever told her the truth of what happened, all she was told was that there was a great fire in the church where she had worked and she was the only one who had survived."  
  
"Why are you saying these things?" He demanded, voice thick with emotion as his eyes blurred with tears.   
  
Takai crouched in front of him and stared hard into his eyes. "She was left feeling hopeless and lost. She didn't know who her family was and had nothing left of her memory. After Helen was fully recovered, she decided that there was nothing else for her to do but join the army. She became a soldier who killed with no remorse. Over the years the only thing that remained of the once sweet, caring nun was her long blonde hair and delicate features. She would go on to become a personal favorite of Une and will unwittingly become the cause of massive death and destruction when she becomes the first Oz soldier to take down a Gundam pilot."  
  
By this time tears were streaming down Duo's pale cheeks. "It's not true! Please, don't let it be true! She was all I had... the only mother.." his sentence broke off in a ragged sob. His long bangs hung around his face, shielding his eyes as he wept.  It couldn't be true, it couldn't! It would mean that he had walked away from her when she was still alive. That she had become the very thing that had been responsible for the destruction of the church.   
  
"Duo.." Takai leaned forward and pressed clammy hands to his face, tilting his head up to look into  anguished, violet eyes. She no longer looked angry. Her eyes were full of remorse and sadness, looking down on him as a mother would look at a son. "Duo, it's true. I can't change it no matter how badly I wish I could," She said softly, pushing the damp clumps of hair from his face.  
  
"I can't do it! I'm sorry.. I.. I know everyone depends on me, but Jesus I can't! How can I?" His eyes were puffy and bloodshot, lips trembling as he stared at her pleadingly. "She meant so much to me..." As soon as the words left his lips, Duo broke down again; crying silently, but so hard that his shoulders were shaking from the intensity.  
  
Slender arms wound around his neck and Takai pulled him into a tender embrace. Her thin fingers stroked his messy hair soothingly as she held him. "You have to, Duo. There's no other way."  
  
"I don't care! Let the fuckin' world end! I won't do it, damn you!" His voice was muffled as he pressed his face into the crook of her neck.  
  
"Is one woman more important to you than the lives of your friends? The life of Heero? The lives of innocent men, women and children all over the world?"  
  
Duo let out a shuddering sigh and he pulled away from her, eyes hard and unforgiving. "Why did you tell me? If I had never known..." He let the sentence trail off as a shiver wracked his thin frame. "Did you tell me to be cruel?! To be spiteful?!"  
  
"No!" Takai squeezed her hand in to a fist. "If I hadn't told you, you would have found out anyway. You would have looked into her background to find out who she was and why she looked like Helen and you would have killed yourself. That would result in the _same_ things that we are trying to avoid! I didn't want to tell you Duo, but there was no other way!"  
  
"I won't do it," He whispered fiercely. "I'll.. I'll avoid running in that direction, I'll get in Deathscythe immediately instead of watching Heero. I'll do _something_ , but I will not kill her!"  
  
Takai's fingers dug into his thin shoulders and she shook him fiercely. "Don't you think I have thought of that? I've played every possible scenario in my mind and they all lead to either the death of you, Heero or her. If you don't watch Heero's back, he will be killed and his survival is monumental if you are to win _this_ war _and_ the second war."  
  
Duo's thoughts were so jumbled that he didn't even think to ask about the end part of her sentence. "Why me?" He whispered softly, trying to fight the tears that still wanted to spill from his eyes. He squeezed them shut and tried to ignore the memories that were assaulting him. "Why do you even care about what happens to me?"  
  
A small, sad smile crossed her face and she started to back away. "Prepare yourself Little Shinigami. Don't let everyone down." As she moved away from him, everything started to grow darker. Duo stared at her in confusion, still needing to ask questions but before he could... he woke up.  
  
+  
  
"Duo!" Heero shook the boy beside him gently. "Duo, you have to wake up."  
  
The longhaired boy bolted up, heart pounding as he stared at Heero with wild, startled eyes. "What?" He demanded breathlessly, voice surprisingly raw even though he had only cried in the dream. He wiped a hand across his face and swallowed several times, fighting the lump that seemed to be permanently lodged in his throat.  
  
"We have a mission," Heero informed him. He leaned forward and brushed Duo's bangs from his eyes, offering a small smile to his new lover. "Are you okay now?" He was being so gentle..  
  
//No.// "Yes, I'm fine now," Duo lied, plastering on a fake smile for the Wing pilot. "Everything's going to be fine," He added softly, heart feeling as though it would explode when Heero gave him that warm, affectionate smile in response.  
  
"Let's get ready then, I'll send you the specs when you're in Deathscythe. We have to rush." Heero stood up after giving Duo's hand one final squeeze and began to get his gear together.  
  
Duo wanted to scream. He wanted to scream and cry and bury his head in the sand. It was happening too soon, he wasn't ready, he wasn't even sure if he could do this.. Violet eyes stared vacantly at Heero as the other boy put on a belt that was laden with spare ammunition. Chocolate colored spikes of hair fell into Heero's eyes as he fastened the belt around his slim waist. //I have to do this..//  
  
He got to his feet numbly and began to get ready without really paying attention to what he was doing. He bypassed his priest's outfit and told himself that he wouldn't be wearing it anymore. Before long he was clad all in black, with a heavy backpack hanging from his shoulders. Duo slammed his baseball cap down on his head, hands shaking as he knelt down to lace his boots.   
  
"Are you ready?" Heero asked as he started for the door.  
  
//No, God no...//   
  
"Yes, let's go."  
  
+  
  
Soldiers scattered over the compound as alarms blared loudly and warning lights flashed in the corridors of the large Oz base. Duo ran fast, hard, his lungs felt like they were going to collapse at any moment. "Fuck!" He swore loudly and forced himself to run faster to catch up to Heero's sprint. The place was going to blow up in two minutes and they weren't even at the hangar yet.  
  
"We don't have time for this!" Heero shouted over the shots that were being fired in their direction. Duo didn't bother responding as he dove to the floor to avoid a hail of bullets, rolling up in a crouch as he returned the fire. The longhaired boy felt Heero's presence behind him and realized that they were back to back. Shit. They must have been surrounded.   
  
Duo felt more than heard Heero's rapidly drawn breaths and he quickly reloaded his magnums. This was going to get messy. They both moved at the same time, raining a storm of ammunition down on the soldiers that had them trapped.  
  
"We don't have time for this shit!" Heero shouted again as he neatly kicked one of the soldiers in the throat; crushing the man's windpipe.  
  
"No fucking kidding!" Duo snarled, irritated at Heero's knack for stating the obvious at the worst possible times.   
  
The corridor was now painted with bright red blood. The carnage was enough to make a normal person sick to their stomach but Duo was used to seeing death. Used to seeing carnage. He knew that this was the mission, he knew that this was when he would have to kill... he'd have to kill...   
  
"Shit!" Duo hissed, shaking his head even as they raced away from the corridor. He couldn't have second thoughts now, everyone was depending on him. On the entire journey to the base, he had tried to steel himself to do what needed to be done. He had told himself over and over that this wasn't the same Sister Helen who had cared for him and loved him all of those years ago. He had told himself that he couldn't let the entire world... be destroyed because of one woman and because of his feelings.   
  
They finally made it to the hangar and Duo slashed his way towards Deathscythe. Trepidation filled his heart but he didn't stop himself from taking the same course of action that he had taken in the vision. He had both his guns blazing as he ran towards the hulking mobile suit. Duo delayed jumping in the cockpit just as he had before, ensuring that Heero got in Wing's cockpit safely.  
  
His heart clenched painfully as he ran towards Deathscythe, knowing what was going to happen next. He didn't hesitate as he spun around just in time to catch Helen, no... not Helen, the soldier, with a swift kick to the head. Once again, the helmet bounced off and Duo was assaulted with the sight of her pretty, once kind, open face. But this time, Duo didn't freeze. This time, he saw her hand going for the knife and before she could strike, he aimed his magnum at her head and pulled the trigger.  
  
The gun dropped from his hand and his knees buckled as he stared at her body. Her head was completely obliterated, pieces of shattered skull littered the ground around her. A low whine escaped Duo's lips and he felt the tears try to force their way passed his eyes. "God, forgive me," He whispered.  
  
"Duo! Get in the fucking Gundam!" Heero's voice roared impatiently.  
  
Duo's head snapped up and he saw Heero hanging precariously from the cockpit, barely missing bullets as he ducked back inside. The Deathscythe pilot swore under his breath and tried to ignore the pain that was making his chest clench. With one more grief-stricken glance at the body, Duo wrenched himself away from the spot he had been grounded to and forced himself to clamber up Deathscythe's side. Once inside of the Gundam, he cut all visual and audio communication so that he could cry to his heart's content, without anyone interrupting.

  
+  
  
Heero stared at the pale, tear-streaked face and felt his heart ache in response. Duo looked so miserable and there wasn't anything he could do to help. Ever since the mission two days ago, the boy had been a wreck. He barely spoke and hadn't eaten anything at all. Heero sighed and pressed a soft kiss to one rounded cheek, rubbing the boy's back in soothing circles as he slept.  
  
He didn't know what could have happened to upset the boy so much. Yes, the mission had gotten out of control very fast and they had nearly lost their lives, but that had happened several times before. Heero recalled the look on his lover's face moments before they had left the base. The horrified, anguished look that had crumpled his features as he had stood over the body of a dead Oz pilot.   
  
The Japanese teen gently pulled away from Duo and placed the comforter over his slender form. Heero sat at the edge of the bed and leaned forward, putting his head in his hands as he contemplated the last few weeks.  Duo was obviously going through something, something that he wasn't ready to share with his partners. This was the second time he had fallen apart after a mission and it was only the second time Heero had seen the other boy cry. He was so used to Duo being in good spirits and trying to keep the rest of the team happy, that the sight of the longhaired boy in tears was enough to leave him feeling helpless. Helpless and scared, because he didn't know how to fix it.   
  
Heero wanted so badly to put the smile back on Duo's handsome face, but he didn't know how. He didn't know how to comfort people, in fact he didn't know how to do a lot of things. Things that came to normal people naturally. It left Heero feeling inadequate and ashamed that he couldn't even make his friend feel better.   
  
Friend?  
  
What were they anyway? That one moment of passion had left Heero feeling more than he had ever felt in his whole life.  He didn't regret it at all, it only gave him hope that in the future after Duo was passed this ordeal, they could have a real relationship, the way Heero had always dreamed they could.   
  
With a heavy sigh, he stood up and moved towards his laptop. Maybe if he went through the OZ database and looked at the profiles for the day's causalities, it would give him some insight on who the pilot had been.  
  
As soon as he sat down in front of his laptop, once again, he had the inexplicable feeling of being watched. His head whipped around and dark blue eyes scanned the room and the darkness outside the window, but he saw no one. The fine hairs on the back of his neck were standing on end and he knew someone was there, somewhere. "Who are you?" He demanded, feeling decidedly foolish. "Who are you and what the hell did you do to Duo?" The last sentence must have triggered something because suddenly he was hit with vertigo and he had to clutch the end of the desk to keep from falling over. He struggled to keep his eyes open but before long, his vision dimmed and everything went black.  
  
+  
  
When Heero opened his eyes, he was no longer in his room with Duo. Everything was jet black with streaks of red and he knew immediately that he was dreaming. He took a step forward and winced as the movement echoed through out the room dramatically. He was still being watched, he could feel it, but he didn't see anyone. "Show yourself, damn it!"  
  
"I'm right here," A female voice drawled from behind him.  
  
Heero spun around, hand automatically going for a gun that wasn't there and stared at the girl before him. She was small, clad all in black and had a gaunt, slender face. "Who the hell are you?" He demanded.  
  
Her lips pulled back in an unpleasant smile and she clasped her hands behind her back. "You can call me Takai."  
  
He narrowed his eyes at her, automatically translating the word in his head. It meant death. "Okay, Takai, what the hell have you done to Duo?"  
  
Slender eyebrows arched up and she gave him a bemused smirk. "What makes you think I did anything to the boy?"  
  
A dark scowl settled over his face and he balled his hands into fists. "Over the past few weeks something has been wrong with him and over the past few days I've been feeling... something watching him. Something that I couldn't see. Obviously that something is you. Now tell me what you've done to him, or else."  
  
A bark of laughter escaped her lips and she actually looked amused. "Or else what, dear child? What could you possibly do to me? I don't even exist in your realm."  
  
At this, his eyebrows shot up and he filed that information away for later use. "Then what realm do you exist in?"  
  
She smirked mysteriously. "The underworld."  
  
A disgusted look crossed his face and he sneered. "Right."   
  
Takai rolled her eyes and grimaced. "Fine! Don't believe me. I'm not going to try to convince you either."  
  
"Just tell me what's wrong with him, damn it."  
  
She stared at him thoughtfully for a moment before a small smile crossed her lips. "You asked for it."  
  
Then the strangest thing happened. Images flitted across his mind. Horrifying images of death.. Duo getting gutted by a female pilot, the same pilot he had killed on the mission. Heero killing Relena as she spoke in front of a large audience. Heero and Wufei being killed by soldiers, with Zechs Marques watching the whole thing. A large beam of light slamming into the Earth...  
  
"That's what would have happened if he hadn't killed that pilot. That's how important he is to the cause. You and your fellow pilots like to take him for granted, especially Chang." She crouched down so that they were face to face and it was then that he realized his knees had given out. She smoothed a hand over the side of his face in an almost affectionate gesture and Heero shuddered. He squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath, trying to push the image of Duo's dead body out of his mind.  
  
"But why --" He cleared his throat when his voice came out hoarse. "Why was he so upset after he killed her? He's killed scores of other soldiers before... why is this getting to him so much?"  
  
"It's not so easy to take a life ---"  
  
"I know that, damn it! You know what I mean!" He cut her off, standing up and crossing his arms over his chest again, trying to get himself together.  
  
She stood up as well, face set in a pensive expression. "It's not so easy to take a life, especially when it's the woman who was the only mother figure you had ever known." When Heero stared at her blankly, Takai made a face. "The girl, the pilot, she had been a nun at the orphanage where Duo spent some time when he was a child."  
  
His eyes widened slightly. "Oh shit..."  
  
Takai smirked tightly. "Exactly."  
  
"Can't you do something? He's not going to just get over this, you know."  
  
Her smirk turned into a frown. "What can I do? I've already stepped way out of bounds by even showing you two your future and I've broken many rules by _telling_ you to change it. I've done too much already and I'm not doing anything else."  
  
His lips curled in a snarl and he resisted the urge to grab her by the shoulders and shake the shit out of her. "Don't you care that this is killing him inside? You said his survival is important! You think he's going to do anyone any good in the condition that he's in? He's a wreck! He can barely function because of the grief! Don't you _care_?"  
  
"Of course I care!" She snarled back, eyes spitting out crimson sparks.  
  
He took a deep breath and tried to get his anger under control. "Why are you doing this, anyway? What does it matter to you what happens to us?"  
  
Takai scowled at him and turned her back. "It's not of your business, boy."  
  
"Fine. It's none of my business. But Duo is my business. I care about him and I want to help him. If you cared about him, you would want to help him too."  
  
"I've already done everything I can do!" She shouted angrily, spinning around and glaring at him.  
  
"Well do something else!" He roared back, hands clenched into fists so tight that his nails were cutting into his skin.  
  
They both glared at each other under she released a long sigh and the anger seemed to seep out of her. Her shoulders slumped and she  closed her eyes. "There is one thing I can do." He relaxed visibly and looked at her eagerly. "I can.. wipe his memory completely of the last few weeks, allowing him only to remember things that are essential to the war. He wouldn't remember me, the visions, Sister Helen or..." She hesitated and slanted a look at him.  
  
The feeling in his chest was one that he had never felt, but he knew right away that it was his heart breaking. "He wouldn't remember that we are together now.."  
  
She actually looked sympathetic. "Are you sure you want me to do it?"  
  
For a second, selfishness gripped him and he almost said no. He had cared for the other pilot for so long.. he had wanted him and yearned for him and now that they were actually together... Heero shook his head and closed his eyes, reminding himself of Duo's pale, miserable face. "Yes," He whispered. "He's more important than my feelings."  
  
Takai moved over to him and patted his back awkwardly, making it obvious that she wasn't used to comforting people either. "At least he'll be alive, ne?"  
  
He nodded tightly and shrugged off her hand. He had the oddest pricklign sensation behind his eyelids... "I can't - I mean, there's no way I can.. try again with him?"  
  
She hesitated before answering. "I'm not sure. You could try but there is no guarantee that it wouldn't jog his memory. There's no sure way for you to know."  
  
"Ok.. Just do it, before I change my mind." His voice was thick with emotion.  
  
She smiled and unexpectedly pulled him into another awkward embrace. "Good luck, Ryu-Chan..."  
  
Then everything went dark again....  
  
+  
  
....and he was back in his room.  
  
Heero stared vacantly at his laptop and swallowed the lump in his throat. With a shuddering sigh, he slowly turned around and stared at the boy who was curled up on his bed. Duo's face was relaxed and peaceful, the tear stains were gone and his lips set in a small smile as he slept. He was snoring softly, his long bangs partially hiding his eyes.  
  
The Japanese youth slowly got up and stood over the lithe figure. "Duo.." He gently shook the boy, trying to awaken him.  
  
Violet eyes popped open and Duo rolled over, yawning hugely. "Mmm.." He blinked sleepily for a few minutes before his brow wrinkled in confusion. "What am I doing in here?"  
  
Heero's mouth went dry. She had really done it... He didn't remember. "You.. fell asleep when we were talking."  
  
Duo raised an eyebrow at him and sat up, stretching and looking utterly adorable in the process. " _We_ were talking? Whoa.. I don't remember _that_." He smirked mischievously at his partner. "Since when do you have conversations, dude?"  
  
Heero looked as though he might cry.   
  
The smile faded and concern blossomed on Duo's handsome face. He got out of bed and stood up beside Heero. "Are you okay, man?" His brow creased and he put an arm around Heero's broad shoulders. "Is everything all right?"  
  
Without realizing what he was doing, Heero spun around and threw his arms around the other boy, burying his face in the crook of Duo's neck. The longhaired teen tensed for a moment, before he slowly returned the hug. His slender hand rubbed Heero's back and he murmured soothing words in his ear. "It's okay, Heero. You'll be all right."  
  
After awhile, he led Heero to the bed, not really knowing what was wrong with the other pilot but comforting him anyway. It was obvious that he was in distress and even though they had problems, they were still friends. Duo gently pushed Heero onto the bed and crouched on the floor in front of him so that they were eye level. He didn't know what had caused this sudden change in Heero's demeanor, but it was a little scary. Normally, Heero didn't outwardly express his emotions at all. The fact that he looked down right vulnerable was enough to throw Duo completely off balance.   
  
Heero's eyes were suspiciously bright, but Duo chose to ignore it, not wanting to embarrass his usually macho friend. He pulled the Wing pilot into a loose, friendly embrace and he hesitantly began to stroke the unruly spikes of hair. "We're friends Heero, you can tell me what's wrong."   
  
Heero stared at Duo for a moment before closing his eyes. He allowed the smaller boy to hold him, trying to take comfort in the fact that Duo still cared for him even if it was only as friends. At least he was alive... and maybe some day, maybe they could try again...  



End file.
